1. You shall consolidate all your points into a single email.
  2. Each email may contain more than one sentence.
  3. The subject is to be stated concisely.
  4. For that purpose, there is a “Subject” field.
  5. “HELLO!!!!” will not do.
  6. If you’re replying to an existing email chain, please feel free to clean up the subject line.
  7. That includes the removal of “RE:RE:RE:FW:RE:RE:RE:”.
  8. You shall not send multiple emails involving the same subject in the hopes of receiving a timelier response.
  9. On the contrary, doing so may lead to decreased response time.
  10. You shall behave in a reasonable and courteous manner.
  11. It is most unreasonable and discourteous to flood the recipient’s inbox.
  12. Especially when you send a new one whenever a random thought pops into your head.
  13. Between 3AM and 5:30AM. Coincidentally, that’s when normal, working people are asleep.
  14. Unless it is a matter of utmost urgency, you shall not simultaneously click “Send” and dial the recipient to demand an instant response.
  15. The recipient should be allowed at least 3 minutes to interpret the contents of your email.
  16. He/she is not your slave.
  17. Do not type with the CAPS LOCK ON.
  18. YOU APPEAR TO BE YELLING.
  19. Response may be delayed due to increased difficulty in content interpretation.
  20. There is no need to use more than one exclamation mark at the end of each sentence.
  21. The same applies to question marks.
  22. Anything in excess is an abuse of punctuation.
  23. An exclamation mark shall not appear immediately after a question mark.
  24. Vice versa.
  25. You shall consider rewording your sentence when you feel an urge to use excessive punctuation.
  26. Also consider the possibility that you may have anger management issues.
  27. Did you know there is a spell-check function?
  28. Proofread before sending, please.
  29. Not after.
  30. It is mildly embarrassing to have to recall a message.
  31. If you didn’t already know, there is a difference between “regards” and “retards”.
  32. Didn’t think you meant to tell the world your firm has the “best retards”.
  33. Just saying.
  34. Formatting options are supposed to help improve things, not make them worse.
  35. An example of “worse” is when you apply the bold, italicise, and underline functions simultaneously.
  36. It is distasteful to use multiple text colours.
  37. For best results, do not select anything greater than the optimal font size of 12 point.
  38. Exhibiting a mixture of font types and sizes does not increase the effectiveness of your email.
  39. There exists a co-relation between text appearance and perception of the sender’s professionalism.
  40. “Please” and “thank you” are commonly used in email communication too.
  41. All relevant parties are to be included in the appropriate “to”, “cc”, and “bcc” fields.
  42. If everybody needs to read your reply, hit “Reply All”.
  43. All necessary attachments shall be present, complete, and in order.
  44. Yes, you are allowed to attach more than one document.
  45. If your files are far too large to be sent via email, consider uploading them onto an online storage drive for sharing instead.
  46. Rotate the damn photos.
  47. Don’t you find it annoying having to click through 8572966154267 inverted site inspection photos?
  48. I do. I really do.
  49. Please sign off properly.
  50. Concluding with, DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL!!!!!!!! PLEASE CALL ME ASAP!!!! WHEN YOU RECIVEE THIS EMAIL. PLS REVERT URGENTLY!!!!!!!!!!” without leaving your contact details is not ideal.

xx J