1. You know, an interview is like a matchmaking session.
  2. I mean, bio, photo, creds? They’ve seen that and now they’re meeting you in person so they can judge you better assess if you’re a good match.
  3. That’s also when they try to expose your, er, misrepresentations.
  4. Is there a CV disclaimer along the lines of “for illustration purposes only”?
  5. Someone should invent that.
  6. I’m wearing my hair in a half ponytail.
  7. It’s supposed to make me look like a sensible, reliable candidate.
  8. Cos according to the celebrity hairstyle guide, this is called a “sleek half up half down hairdo”, and in my books, “sleek” definitely translates into “well-rounded, responsible team player”.
  9. At least I bothered to brush my hair.
  10. But this shirt collar is giving me the itchy scratchies.
  11. And this outfit makes me look frumpy.
  12. I hope I don’t have to dress like this for the rest of my life.
  13. Sneakers should be classified as formal shoes.
  14. On a positive note, my boxy document bag will come in handy when I shove my way through the train cabin later – or future days, if I DO land this job…. which I’m confident I will.
  15. 1982 called. It wants its off-white wallpaper back.
  16. I don’t even know who the interviewer is.
  17. They say to always sit facing the door so you won’t be taken by surprise.
  18. Of course I have done exactly that. I am a well-prepared candidate.
  19. Although it would be awesome if I could do the God of Gamblers chair swivel thing instead.
  20. Do I say “Good afternoon Sir” or something?
  21. Here goes.
  22. Yep. I used the word “Sir”.
  23. Guess that limp handshake didn’t help.
  24. Where do I see myself in 5 years’ time? LOL WUT.
  25. Do people really think THAT far ahead?
  26. Notwithstanding my lack of thought on the above, I’m a planner for sure.
  27. I log my food 3 days in advance.
  28. See, I’m not only well-prepared, I’m also meticulous – I count EVERY calorie.
  29. Damn my itchy nose.
  30. Maybe if I juuust twitched it A LITTLE….
  31. That came out as a full-blown sneeze.
  32. I can’t believe I just used “results-driven” to describe myself.
  33. He doesn’t look impressed. Nope.
  34. Should have just said I’m “goal-oriented”.
  35. Working out IS a hobby. Totally legit.
  36. It’s a display of mega self-discipline.
  37. Why do they care what I do outside of work anyways?
  38. Not like having a hobby means I take my work less seriously.
  39. If anything, it makes me look like I’ve got a will of steel.
  40. Certainly in my favour.
  41. Although I don’t think he got my joke.
  42. Why do they ask you about salary expectations when they clearly aren’t prepared to hear your answer?
  43. Especially when it’s completely reasonable.
  44. Cos I’m pretty sure he just scoffed at my reply. Rude.
  45. I think this interview professionalism should go both ways.
  46. Can he tell I’m shaking my leg under the desk?
  47. My shoulders look steady.
  48. Hum…. Is this ever going to end?
  49. Oh, he said to wait for their call.
  50. Aha! I totally nailed it…. I just know!

xx J